Quarter Life Crisis

So, for the past couple of years I've heard people talking about something called a "Quarter Life Crisis". Its similar to a Mid-Life Crisis...except...It happens in your 20s and not your 50s. To be honest I didn't really know what to expect from a Quarter Life Crisis. I didn't know what the symptoms were...and I didn't necessarily think it was an ACTUAL crisis.

 

However, over the past few months I have had the pleasure....or displeasure (I'm still not sure), of experiencing it first hand. And let me tell you...its a REAL crisis (kind of).

 

It alllllll started back in June when I moved to Downtown. Little did I know that this change would snowball into a bunch of OTHER changes. It was as if making this move made me realize exactly how much control I had over my life. And in result of that, I decided to change EVERYTHING. I may have also begun a bit of an identity crisis. In fact, I'm probably still in the midst of it.

 

I dyed my hair blonde and cut back my hours at the job I've had since I was 16, in hopes of trying something new. I cut off all of my hair and completely re-did the style of my bedroom and apartment. I started this blog, went back to school and begun doing a bunch of photo shoots with my roommate. For a few weeks I thought I was gonna pack up my things and move to New York...then after that I decided it was gonna be San Francisco instead. Later I opted for "Anywhere That Wasn't Tampa".

 

I backed out of a business plan that I had made with some friends. And decided that I just wanted to spend the rest of my life making art in any way, shape or form. And somehow I naively thought I could get rich off of that. I downloaded like 3 different apps to help me create the first budget I've ever had and actually began to save money (well...to be honest the saving part isn't going as well as I planned...but AT LEAST IM TRYING).

 

My mindset also started changing drastically. So much so, that my brain couldn't really keep up with all of the new life lessons I was learning. It was very overwhelming. Every week I'd learn something new and important and I would feel like I could breathe for a second, because there was something else I could check off of the 'List Of Things You Gotta Learn Eventually". BUT THEN...the universe would throw me a curveball like " Mmmm...nope sorry. Gonna teach you something else now that is going to COMPLETELY contradict that last thing you learned." Through this, I've realized that life has a lot of grey areas and nothing is ever reeeaally black and white. Everything is relative to the situation.

Weirdly enough... I somehow eventually got to this place I like to call " Smooth Sailing". There were about 6-8 weeks where eeeevvverything was awesome. I'd figured out what I wanted to do with my life, I was getting organized and had started to clarify who and what was important to me. Basically, I was getting my shit together.

 

Almost stupidly, I started to think "WOW. This is really it! I DID IT. From here on out it'll always be this good. And this easy!!!!" Unfortunately though...I soon realized that this was not the case.

 

I now consider those few weeks of smooth sailing. a bit (or a lot) delusional. My best friend and roommate, Harrison and I would stay up until 6am on various nights, planning out our fabulous futures and making all kinds of ridiculous plans. Eventually we'd look at each other and say "Are we being delusional?!?!" Then we'd laugh and decide that NO. Of course we weren't! Because alllll of this was seriously realistic and totally going to happen.

 

I see now that this was essentially the eye of the storm. Or...maybe the calm before the storm. It was all tooooooo good to be true. And I was enjoying every goddamn second of it. I remember that after one particularly good day, I literally went home and sat in my bed and cried. Not because I was sad. But because I was SOOOOO happy and I was worried that one day, this wouldn't be my life anymore.

 

However, a couple of days ago...it was like someone finally removed my rose colored glasses. I could see everything for what it really was. And while I was thankful for this break from reality, I knew I needed to pull myself back down to earth.

 

I think the main issue I kept running into was the fact that I was putting myself on an imaginary timeline. I wanted everything to happen right away. I wanted to be young, happy, successful and ahead of the game. Honestly...I didn’t understand why I had to WAIT. I knew what I wanted...so why couldn’t I just have it now??? I wished that I could have signed up for the “Speed Pass” version of life. One where I could have opted into a 8 month crash course where I didn’t eat, sleep or breathe anything that wasn’t going to propel me forward into my future career and then continue on with my life as planned afterwards.

 

Another issue I dealt with was the crazy expectations I was setting for myself. The kinds of goals I was setting we're a tad unrealistic for someone my age. I tend to have a hard time remembering that I'm only 21, as I usually feel older. And it's occasionally difficult for me to be able to see that the things I want are unattainable at my age. That doesn't mean they won't happen one day...because I really believe they will. But, I should be focusing on things that I can be doing now, instead of longing for the day when I'm settled and secure with the career of my choice. I have to learn to take the pressure off of myself.

 

The most important thing I’m constantly trying to remember is to SLOW DOWN. There’s no rush. I’ll get there when I get there and I can’t take any short cuts. There’s no rulebook that says I HAVE to have all of shit my perfectly together by a certain day or age. It’ll all unravel in the way it’s supposed to.

 

For the time being I’m just going to relax. I’m also going to tryyyy my best to turn down the dial on my anxiety and let life happen. However, that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop working. I intend to take the next few years, months, or however long it takes to better myself and my skills in writing, photography, styling and all of the other crazy things I’ve been lucky enough to work on recently. Life tends to work in mysterious ways and opportunities seem to pop up when you least expect them. However, I have no doubt that they’re timed to appear at exactly the right moment.

 

So...now, I’m going to have to do a couple things that I’m really not good at...the first being WAITING. The second being that I need to stop trying to control everything and let the universe unfold the plans it has for me without trying to intervene. As much as I’d like to, I cannot predict the future. WHICH IS ALWAYS KILLING ME. But over analyzing and trying to figure out what's going to happen...before it happens….is driving me insane. And I just need someone to maybe give me a little slap in the face and say “CHILL THE FUCK OUT”.

 

With all this being said...if you’re in your early to mid twenties, chances are you’re dealing with the same thing. And I would just like pat you on the back and say “It’s gonna be alright man, we’ll figure it out”. Actually, if I’m being honest, I’d like to lay on the floor in my pajamas with all of you, eating snacks and listening to Fleetwood Mac while we compare stories and freak out about the future together. If you have to panic, you might as well be comfortable, in good company and well fed.

 

But, since that probably isn’t going to be able to happen...I wish everyone the best of luck during this crazy time. Hopefully one day we’ll all be in our 40s with fantastic jobs, beautiful families and a lot of vacation time. So...until then…

Photo by Harrison Ponce

(@harrison_ponce)