Look How Far We've Come

Over the past month and a half, a lot of things in my own little world have been flipped around. And while all of these changes were exciting and necessary, I’d started feeling a bit overwhelmed. There’s been this looming sense of displacement due to the fact that I haven’t completely settled into my new life yet. I've become a completely different person during these last 6 weeks. And while it may not be noticeable outwardly, I can definitely feel it inwardly.

When I started this blog a few weeks back, I had absolutely no intentions of it having anything to do with writing. Originally, I wanted to do a lifestyle blog that centered around fashion and photography. However, within the first few days, I’d accidentally began a blog about...well...I’m not entirely sure yet. But, despite the fact that I’m not 100% set on what direction I’d like to take this in, I’m so incredibly happy that I’m doing it. I've fallen in love with writing. And even though I’m completely aware that I’m a little late in the game to be trying to learn a brand new skill, I’m willing to put in the effort. I've got a lot to learn and a lot of practice ahead, but I know it will be worth it. Starting August 12th, I will be back in school (something I never thought I’d do), taking two different 10 week writing courses.

For whatever reason, this just feels right. This is what I’m supposed to be doing. I've been shocked at the overwhelming support from everyone each time I put up a post. So, thank you to everyone who's been following along with me. The fact that I've gotten anyone at all to look at their lives differently is enough motivation for me to keep moving forward with all of this. I've spent the last 3 or 4 years since high school trying to find something that I’d be happy doing for the rest of my life. And while I've gotten close a few times, nothing has clicked quite like this. I’m supposed to be a writer.
And so, in the midst of “finding my calling”, I've started to feel a lot overwhelmed. I can see just how far I have to go before I’ll be able to make any kind of career out of this. And that’s a little scary. But, more importantly, it’s very exciting. Somehow, despite the chaos, I feel strangely calm. Maybe I've become a bit of an optimist, but I know I’m doing the right thing. I've gained  a weird sense of clarity that’s helping me mask the panic that comes along with redirecting your life’s course.

During all of this readjustment, I've found that the most important thing to do is focus on how far you've come, not how far you have to go. No matter what it is that you’re working towards, it’s incredibly easy to get caught up in the amount of work that lies ahead. It can be really discouraging. But, you’ll never benefit from thinking this way. You've got to stay positive.

I spent a majority of my life as a dancer. I spent 17 years dedicating 90% of my time to classes, rehearsals, competitions, conventions and performances. Ultimately, I look back at all of it now and can see that I never loved it as much as I thought I did. I just loved the idea of it. I loved my studio, the people there who had become family, the structure, and the artistry of it all. But I spent so much time looking at these girls who WANTED it. They wanted it more than they wanted to breath. But it was never like that for me. It was just something I enjoyed and happened to be pretty decent at.
 

However, I would not go back and change anything. I am the person that I am today because of it. I learned invaluable lessons about myself, life and most importantly about commitment and dedication. I learned what it means to have to bust your ass for something and how to work as a team and as a family. But, I spent so much time comparing myself to other dancers and feeling down about how much more work was needed to be done, to get where I wanted to be. I was always focusing on how far I had to go, not how far I had come. If only I could go back in time to tell 15 year old me to how awesome I was and that I should be proud for coming as far along as I had. I wasn't graced with beautiful feet or legs or insane flexibility. I wasn't long and lean like some of those other girls and I hated myself for that. But, if I had known then, what I know now, I wouldn't have been so hard on myself.

After graduating, I stayed at the studio, working as the office manager and company coordinator. And for now, I am still here. As the years have gone by, I've watched a majority of the kids here grow up. There’s a group of them now whose ages range from 11-15 that I've  known since they were babies. They are so talented, but it’s so apparent that they have no idea. They’re unable to look back at how they danced when they were 7 or 8 and see much growth they've made in these past few years. Even worse is that they can’t even see how much they've grown in the past 6 months. They beat themselves up over the fact that they can’t do 5 perfect pirouettes, but they forget that there are millions, if not billions of people out there who wouldn't even know how to do just 1.

They spend so much time on YouTube watching these “famous” dancers perform and wishing they could be like them. When in reality, they should be watching themselves. I hope that one day they’ll realize that you should never compare yourself to anyone else. All that does is cause insecurity. I’d also like for them to realize that you should only be competing against yourself, not your teammates. That it’s about being YOUR best and not THE best.

No matter what it is that you’re doing, dance, painting, football, singing, whatever, be proud of yourself. You are out in the world, working on YOUR craft. And that is so important. You could be sitting at home eating chicken nuggets and watching the 5th season of Breaking Bad on Netflix, but you’re not. You got up and went to practice. So congratulations. Be proud of yourself.

Unhappiness is caused by being HERE and wanting to be THERE. So just focus on yourself and your personal growth. Stop worrying about what everyone else is doing. Every person is unique and progresses at their own pace. Never feel discouraged because someone else succeeded more quickly than you. That’s life. You can’t always be first and you can’t always be the best. Chances are, a majority of the time you won’t be either of those things. But that’s not important. What’s important is that you’re trying. Never give up on something that you want just because it doesn't happen as quickly or as easily as you’d have hoped.

Earl Nightinale said it best “Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use.”