Everything Ends

 

The other night I got a text from an old friend who was going through a rough patch and needed a little push in the direction towards healing. And so, as requested, this post is for her. I hope she and anyone else dealing with the chaos of life’s ups and downs is able to find some comfort in the words that follow.

Everything ends. Everything. Even those things that last forever morph into something new. Your family grows and adapts, your career advances, your kids and life long friends grow up, your marriage ages and blooms along with you. Nothing could possibly stay the same forever. It all ends. And while the end of anything might sound dark and gloomy, it doesn't have to be.

Even though it’s hard to let go of the past and move forward after any kind of heartbreak you experience, I guarantee you that eventually it will all be okay. Think back to the friends you lost, or that boy who broke your heart. Think of the love ones who have passed and your childhood home you had to leave behind. The wounds have healed, even if you were left with a scar. And while I know that in the moment it felt like your life was ending, you’re living proof that it didn't.

The harsh reality is that even when it feels like the walls of your life are crumbling down around your ears, the rest of the world keeps on turning. It seems insensitive that everyone on the planet seems to be going on about their business like you didn't just have your heart ripped from your chest. But that’s life.

The other day I was watching an episode of Mad Men where January Jones’ character is dealing with her own kind of heartbreak. Throughout the episode she goes through the usual routine that comes along with a broken heart. She stays in her pajamas for days, drinking wine, laying around and wondering what went wrong. Eventually, her housekeeper gives her some advice that I found to be unexpectedly insightful. She says, “I've found that if you wash your face and go outside, you’ll find that everything is right where you left it”.

It’s strange what goes on inside your head when you’re dealing with pain. You somehow convince yourself that NOTHING will ever be the same after this. That you now have nothing and that there is no sense in moving forward with your life. You probably contemplate just hiding out in your bedroom for the rest of the year wearing big t-shirts and eating doughnuts. And if you've never felt like this, then you must be a much stronger person than I am. Because I can name a few different times where I contemplated doing just that.

However, the funny thing is that despite what we’re feeling inside, everything is still the same except this ONE thing. You still have your family, your pets, your home. The places you love to go still exist and all of your favorite foods are just a delivery away. The new episode of that show you've been wanting to see is still going to come out on Thursday night and the plans you made with your sister to go on a road trip this fall are still there. It’s all right where you left it.

Everything ends. And this pain you’re feeling today, it will end too. I guarantee it. However, until then do whatever it is that you need to do to grieve. Everyone is different and there’s no set way to get over something or someone. You have to do what feels right to you. If you need to hide out in your bed wearing the same set of PJ's, eating pizza for a week, do it. If you feel like you need to chop off all of your hair, do it. If you want to go on a giant shopping spree, do it. If you need to go out and get completely wasted, do it. Who cares what everyone else thinks. You do WHATEVER you need to do to feel good. But, keep in mind that eventually you’ll have to get back to reality and continue on with your regular life. Your responsibilities aren't going to disappear.

I’m a firm believer that everything really does happen for a reason. And I also know that the universe will never throw something at you that you won’t be able to handle. So, use this heartache as a learning experience. You have two choices, you can either let whatever pain you’re feeling destroy you or you can grow from it.  So take comfort in the fact that once you've gotten through this, you’ll come out on the other side with thicker skin and a tougher heart. Know that next time you’re in a situation like this, you’ll know how to handle it.

It’s surprisingly true that when one door closes another one opens. But you can’t expect to find that new door right away. You have to be patient. Because you can’t move onto something better if you haven’t let go of the past yet. There is no magic number of days, weeks or months that I can give to you and say “Ah, yes. In exactly 3 weeks you will be completely over this and it will no longer have any effect on you.” That’s not possible. Every person is different and everyone deals with heartache in their own way. There are so many different factors that go into the length of time it will take you to feel normal again. But I promise, eventually, whether it’s sooner or later, the heartache will end. It always does.

The main piece of advice I have for anyone dealing with a broken heart….feel it. Feel all of it. So many times people choose to shut down and turn their emotions off. They choose to completely ignore the fact that they’re hurting and continue on like nothing bad ever happened. I can tell you from experience, this is a terrible idea. You can lie to yourself allllll you want. But eventually, it’s going to come back and bite you in the ass. It might not be today, or next week. Hell, it might even be a year from now. But eventually this pain is going to demand to be felt. If you don’t allow yourself to feel it, and I mean REALLY feel it, you’ll never get it out of your system. It will hide itself in the back of your mind or your heart, just waiting for chance to escape.

Whether the person you thought was the love of your life dumps you, or your best friends stabs you in the back, there is no shame is hurting. No one will ever think less of you for being a human being and getting hurt. And if they do, then screw them. They’re insensitive and not worth your time anyways.

I've come to see that life is clearly one giant learning experience after another. And each one is specifically placed in your life at the exact moment it needs to be. You’ll never be able to grow into the person that you’re ultimately supposed to be if you skate through life without bumps and bruises along the way.

 

While I know it’s hard to do, remember that the end of anything is just the chance at a new beginning. A chance to reinvent yourself and start over. It’s a chance to learn from your past mistakes and grow into a stronger person. This is your life, and it’s your choice how you react to it. And I’m pretty sure that you’d rather come out on the other side of this enlightened and strong, rather than damaged and cold. It’s up to you how you let heartache affect your future. No one has any control over your outlook of your own life, other than you. So, take your time to grieve and then use this as a chance to be a better version of yourself. A version that isn't defeated by pain.