About 2 and a half months ago, I was sitting on my kitchen counter, drinking wine with my boyfriend, Freddy and waiting for the pasta to finish boiling. It was all very casual. We filled each other in on our days and discussed the insignificant things that other people don’t care enough to listen to, like what we had for lunch, or what our schedules looked like for the rest of the week. And while I know neither of us realized it at the time, we we’re about to make a decision that would change practically every aspect of both of our lives and also our relationship.
Between sips, Freddy casually brought up the idea of him moving in some of his stuff for a few days. His dad was going out of town and he said he’d rather be here, than stay at his dad’s alone. And It only made sense to bring his desk and computer over because he works from home and it’d be really convenient.
Naturally, I said yes. We’d been throwing around the idea of moving in together for a few weeks anyways and it seemed like a good idea to try it out, like test driving a new car before you buy it. Plus, it’d be an extended slumber party and who doesn’t love slumber parties?
A few days later, I found myself clearing out some drawer space and rearranging the furniture in my bedroom. Whether I admitted it out loud or not, the minute his desk was inside and organized, I knew that that was it. It fit amongst all of the other furniture too well and it just felt like his things belonged here. I knew that none of it was going anywhere.
A week or so passed and his dad came home, but he stayed. A few more days turned into a couple of weeks and before we knew it, we’d been living together for a full month. Eventually, we decided to make it official and My Room became Our Room. It was very exciting, a little bit scary and involved three trips to Ikea.
It’s an interesting experience trying to take two lives and put them under one roof. Naturally, for a little while it, was a bit of an adjustment period for both of us. However, taking into consideration that neither of us had ever shared a living space and financial responsibilities with a significant other, I’d say we handled the whole thing amazingly well. I’m still surprised at how great of a team we are and at how willing we both are to compromise.
It’s true when people say that it’s the little things that make up a relationship and a life together. Like grocery trips to Publix, or drinking wine while making dinner. Watching all of Louis C.K.’s stand up on Netflix, sharing socks and saving mason jars full of change together. Like laying in bed and listening to the rain or driving around the expensive parts of town and daydreaming about living in homes that big one day. It’s someone’s quirks and habits that you get used to and start to miss when they’re not around. Like how they say crazy things in their sleep or floss their teeth when they’re anxious.
These last few days, I’ve spent a long time reflecting on a lot different things and to be honest, I can’t believe I’m in the space that I am now. It’s crazy to me how one person can have such a strong impact on your life and the person that you are so quickly. In the relatively short amount of time that I’ve known Freddy, he’s unknowingly shown me that everything I thought I knew about relationships, partnerships and love was completely wrong. And I’m so glad that he did.
I’ve learned how important it is to have support and understanding. And how good it feels to come home at the end of the to day to someone who is actually happy to see you. I once thought that I was the kind of girl who loved space, mystery, aloofness, drama and challenge when it came to romance. But I’ve come to see that that was only a lie I eventually convinced myself to believe, in order to handle an unhealthy situation I naively spent too many years in. I also realized that the years I spent learning how to put on my best poker face, acting like I had no feelings was detrimental to someone so young.
I’ve learned that a relationship requires you to work together and that communicating is just as crucial as everyone tells you it is. I’ve learned that if someone wants to be in your life, they will go out of their way to be there. I’ve learned that someone who truly appreciates you and cares about you will only ever try to lift you up. They will never put you down or make feel badly about who you are. And they will never try to change you.
I see now that every relationship you’re in, whether it be romantic, familial or platonic should be helping you grow and evolve into the best possible version of yourself. A boyfriend, or a girlfriend or a partner should make you WANT to be the best version of yourself, because you believe they deserve that.
For a number of different reasons during these past few months, I’ve finally felt like I’m actually “growing up”. Whatever that even means. But I feel so lucky to be growing up with someone so special. And while I can’t predict the future or what it holds, I can only see beautiful things happening for us.
A couple of years ago, I heard a line in a move that I can’t help but think about now, "We have each other — everything else is background noise”.
Self Portraits.
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