The universe tends to work in mysterious ways. Throughout this week, I've been going back and forth between 3 or 4 different ideas for the topic of today's blog entry. While I knew I wanted to eventually write about all of them, I didn't feel like any of them were relevant to what I was going through this week. I didn't want to end up pulling some bullshit advice out of my ass and putting it out into the world before I had fully decided what I wanted to say about the subject. So last night, I went to sleep hoping that I'd wake up with some kind of inspiration. Luckily...I did.
I went back to work this past Monday after having been off for about 3 weeks. While the break has been nice, I was surprisingly happy to get back into some kind of routine. Somehow this week has taught me a lot about the type of person that I am. Or rather, it just solidified some things I'd been assuming for awhile now. The most important being, I really love spending time alone. Actually, I NEED to spend time alone. I’m dead serious when I say that I have to spend at least two-three hours of the day, in my room, alone, doing nothing except listening to music, staring at my ceiling and thinking. And unfortunately, this past week has not allowed me to do that...at all. Which is probably why I’ve been feeling so cranky and detached.
I realize that this may sound boring or like a waste of time. However, I assure you that it is my absolute favorite thing to do. I have allllllllll day to be out and about, spending time with people, or working, or driving, or just participating. So, I find such a luxury in some quality time with my own mind.
It’s 2014. And somehow social media has made everyone feel like they constantly need to be doing SOMETHING. You always have to be out, having fun with your “friends” or doing something that looks more interesting than what everyone else is doing. And let me just say….this is such bullshit. I will be the first to own up to my annoying social media life. However, I’m perfectly aware that no one gives a shit about my selfies or the fact that I “can’t wait to get off of work”.
I realize that I am about the millionth person to say this, but social media is ruining our lives. I understand that, yes, it’s really amazing to be able to communicate with people all over the world at anytime of the day from anywhere on the planet….BUT at what cost? We’re so wrapped up in making sure everyone who follows us on Twitter knows that we just “HAD THE BEST NIGHT EVER *insert emojis here*!” that we’re not even actually present in this so called “Best Night Ever!”. We can’t be, because we’re too busy trying to pick out the best Instagram filter to put over the photo of our shitty PBR can, to actually communicate with the person sitting next to us at the bar.
Social media has given us this platform where the sole purpose of having an account on any site is to tell people what we’re doing or to see what everyone else is doing. And because of this, people begin to feel insecure about their own lives. It’s Saturday, they scroll through Instagram and see 15 photos in a row of Sally From High School’s road trip to Portland with all of her “besties” and they think…..shit…..what have I done today? Sit in bed eating bagels and watching a full season of Mad Men?!?!? MALARKEY.
Now, they find themselves feeling like they need to get up, put away that jar of peanut butter, get dressed and find one of their friends to go out with. Then, 6 hours later, after they’ve posted a photo of themselves and their friend out at dinner, they see that they have 25 “likes” and a disingenuous comment that says “OMG LOVE YOU GIRLS SO MUCH! Wish I was there!”. And SOMEHOW they find relief and comfort in that. Like….”Ah yes. Twenty five whole people have acknowledged my existence and saw that I did something fun today. I can sleep easy now!”
Let me just start off by saying ………………………………………………………….…WHY?!
When did it become so unacceptable to do nothing? Why do we always feel like we have to be DOING something interesting to BE interesting. I hope everyone realizes that just because someone’s life looks interesting online...doesn’t mean it actually is. You don’t know how much effort someone may be putting into their carefully composed statuses and photo albums to APPEAR to have a certain kind of life. The internet allows people to create the image of whoever they want to be. But that doesn’t mean that it’s who they really are.
It seems like everyone is competing with everyone else for the title of Most Interesting and Fun Life. But, the problem is, everyone has a different idea of what fun and interesting actually is. So why do we care so much about what everyone else thinks? Why can’t we just be happy with what WE think? Why do we constantly need to be doing something? Why does it seem wrong to actually WANT to do nothing?
So many times I’ll get a text from someone saying “Hey, what’re you doing tonight?” and my response will be “Nothing”. And so naturally they’ll respond with “Wanna go do something then?”. And then the conflict begins, because they assume that when I say “nothing”, I mean that I have no plans. But in reality, I do have plans. Plans to do nothing. And often when I use this an excuse, they try and guilt me into going out by saying “Come on, you can do nothing any night! Just come out and have a drink with me!”
First of all, no. And second of all, I have a lifetime to go out and get drinks. Life is busy, and the fact that I currently have a whole night where there isn’t something that I NEED to be doing, that’s a miracle. And it’s something I’m going to take complete advantage of. So sorry, but no. I do not want to trade in my pj’s for heels just so that you can get a cute new selfie at the bar with me tonight.
I’ve come to realize that time spent idle makes for a healthier state of mind. I tend to have so much more clarity when I am able to put aside time to just sit and figure shit out. I tend to be a bit of an over thinker and sometimes have a hard time deciphering how I feel about things. So, it’s important for me to be able to spend time alone with my thoughts, without the input of someone else. You have to learn to love solitude.
This generation is so terrified of being alone! We forget that being home alone doesn’t mean you’re lonely. Just as being at a party with all of your best friends doesn’t mean you aren’t lonely. Loneliness has absolutely nothing to do with the amount of people you surround yourself with. And it has absolutely nothing to do with how many different “activities” you went out and did with your “friends” this week.
I once had a friend who told me that he literally could not be alone. He said that he hated being alone with his own thoughts because that meant that he would have to deal with them. So, in order to distract himself, from himself, he spends every day out with friends. Getting lunch, going shopping, going to bars, the usual. And while that may sound fun and probably creates a pretty great looking Instagram page, it’s actually incredibly sad.
If you can’t be happy alone, how can you possibly expect to be happy with someone else? More importantly, if you get bored spending time alone with yourself, then how could someone else not get bored spending time alone with you? Do you see my point here?
If you want the relationships in your life to thrive, whether they are romantic, platonic or familial, you first have to have a healthy relationship with yourself. Maybe you already do. And if so, congratulations! However, if you don’t, that’s perfectly fine. But, you may want to reconsider where you’re putting all of your effort and energy. Stop giving up your free time to other people and give it to yourself first.
xo, Dani Kye
No comments:
Post a Comment