When I was 18, almost 19, I saw the movie Garden State for the first time. I had just graduated high school and moved into a house by myself in Downtown St. Pete. At this point, I’d only been living on my own for a few months, so I was still in the phase where it felt like I was on vacation and it hadn’t sunk in that I didn’t live at home anymore.
Now, if you haven’t seen Garden State yet, I ask you to do yourself a favor and watch it sometime within the next week. If you HAVE seen the movie, then I’m sure you remember the infamous pool scene. Zach Braff’s character is talking to Natalie Portman and he says “You know that point in your life where you realize the house you grew up in isn’t really your home anymore? And all of a sudden, even though you have somewhere where you put your shit, that idea of home is gone…..it just sorta happens one day and then its gone.”
Naturally, this line struck a chord with me and I had to rewind and watch it again. He goes on to say, “It’s like you feel homesick for a place that doesn’t exist”. As soon as I heard this, I suddenly felt my age and a sad sort of nostalgia came over me. It finally registered in my head that from this point on, I could go to my parents house anytime, it still physically existed, but it would never feel like “home” again.
If you no longer live in your parents home, then I’m sure you’ve had this experience I’m about to describe. It’s that moment when you go into your old bedroom, and for the first time it doesn’t feel like your room anymore. It feels very familiar and comfortable, but somehow it seems strange that you spent so many years of your life in there. The lighting seems odd and it smells different. Your picture frames have collected dust and there isn’t a pile of your clothes on the floor anymore. It’s an incredibly disorienting feeling. For me, it was probably the first time I realized that one day I would grow old. I could feel that I had so much life ahead of me to live, but I could also feel that it was all going to go by so quickly.
As I’m sure a lot of us experience when growing up, there was a period of my life that I spent a good chunk of time feeling homesick. However, I couldn’t figure out WHAT I was homesick for. I wasn’t necessarily unhappy but everything felt so temporary all of the time. The place I lived, the college I was attending and the people I hung out with just felt like placeholders. I felt like I was at the end of a long vacation when you’re just ready to go home and sleep in your own bed.
Eventually I realized that most of what I was doing wasn’t working. So I left USF, moved back to Tampa with a new roommate and mended some of the friendships that had been missing in my life. Though I hadn’t been able to find the feeling of home I’d been looking for, at least everything felt more solid.
A year later I moved in with my best friend Harrison, who I still live with now. During that first year we lived together, a lot of things began to fall into place and somehow that apartment began to feel like home. However, I started to realize that “home” was most certainly not a “place”. It was simply just a feeling. A feeling that you could find in so many different places, people and things.
For a good portion of our lives we believe in this giant illusion of what “home” really is. And I think this causes a lot of loneliness, restlessness and anxiety in many twenty somethings. It certainly caused it in me. However, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that everyone has their own definition of home. And it is up to you to define it for yourself.
For me, home is family dinners at my aunt’s houses. Home is the dance studio I grew up in. Home is weekends at the cabin in Homosassa, Florida. Home is screaming the song Sun Hands at the top of my lungs on long car rides with my two best friends. Home is long deep talks you have with you people you love at 3 in the morning. Home is when my dad makes his special “dippy dippy” breakfast on Christmas morning for my mom and I. Home is when my dog curls up in my lap on the couch. Home is in all of those memories I have of my childhood, camping at Tillis Hills. But most importantly, home is the people you surround yourself with. Your friends, your family and your friends that BECOME family.
I think we’ve been taught to romanticize the meaning of “home”, in the same way the media has taught us to glamourize sadness. When I told my dad that I was going to write a post about the meaning of “home”, he said to me “Danielle, home is where you make it”. And I think he may be on to something. Home is your support system and all of your best memories. It’s your daily routine, your favorite song and your favorite meal.
Home is anywhere and everywhere. You just have to choose to open yourself up to feeling it. I’ve also realized that you have to be in the right place in your life, and in the right mindset to accept this. It happens for everyone at a different time, and there is no right or wrong age to begin to feel it. Finding your “home” is all about accepting the cards you’ve been dealt, making the absolute best of them and being appreciative.
I’m still not entirely sure what my views on marriage or children are, as they change constantly. I spent most of my teenage years convinced that I never wanted to get married or have kids and now at 21, I’ve started to come around to the idea. I haven’t fully committed to it, but I’m getting there. However, I’ve realized that if I do one day decide to start a family of my own, it will be my job to create a home for my future, hypothetical children.
One day it may be up to me to create traditions and memories that will one day remind them of home, the way my family did for me. I hope that I am able to be as supportive to them, as my parents were to me. And I also hope they find friends who are as amazing as the ones I was lucky enough to find.
I know that as the years pass, my definition of home will change. I’d be concerned if it didn’t, as I believe it’s something that is constantly adjusting to your current situation. But for now, I am grateful for where I am and the people who remain constant in my life. I can only hope you’ve also been able to find this kind of comfort and that if you haven’t, I hope you are able to find it soon. Home is always there, it’s just up to you to be able to see it and appreciate it.
Now, if you haven’t seen Garden State yet, I ask you to do yourself a favor and watch it sometime within the next week. If you HAVE seen the movie, then I’m sure you remember the infamous pool scene. Zach Braff’s character is talking to Natalie Portman and he says “You know that point in your life where you realize the house you grew up in isn’t really your home anymore? And all of a sudden, even though you have somewhere where you put your shit, that idea of home is gone…..it just sorta happens one day and then its gone.”
Naturally, this line struck a chord with me and I had to rewind and watch it again. He goes on to say, “It’s like you feel homesick for a place that doesn’t exist”. As soon as I heard this, I suddenly felt my age and a sad sort of nostalgia came over me. It finally registered in my head that from this point on, I could go to my parents house anytime, it still physically existed, but it would never feel like “home” again.
If you no longer live in your parents home, then I’m sure you’ve had this experience I’m about to describe. It’s that moment when you go into your old bedroom, and for the first time it doesn’t feel like your room anymore. It feels very familiar and comfortable, but somehow it seems strange that you spent so many years of your life in there. The lighting seems odd and it smells different. Your picture frames have collected dust and there isn’t a pile of your clothes on the floor anymore. It’s an incredibly disorienting feeling. For me, it was probably the first time I realized that one day I would grow old. I could feel that I had so much life ahead of me to live, but I could also feel that it was all going to go by so quickly.
As I’m sure a lot of us experience when growing up, there was a period of my life that I spent a good chunk of time feeling homesick. However, I couldn’t figure out WHAT I was homesick for. I wasn’t necessarily unhappy but everything felt so temporary all of the time. The place I lived, the college I was attending and the people I hung out with just felt like placeholders. I felt like I was at the end of a long vacation when you’re just ready to go home and sleep in your own bed.
Eventually I realized that most of what I was doing wasn’t working. So I left USF, moved back to Tampa with a new roommate and mended some of the friendships that had been missing in my life. Though I hadn’t been able to find the feeling of home I’d been looking for, at least everything felt more solid.
A year later I moved in with my best friend Harrison, who I still live with now. During that first year we lived together, a lot of things began to fall into place and somehow that apartment began to feel like home. However, I started to realize that “home” was most certainly not a “place”. It was simply just a feeling. A feeling that you could find in so many different places, people and things.
For a good portion of our lives we believe in this giant illusion of what “home” really is. And I think this causes a lot of loneliness, restlessness and anxiety in many twenty somethings. It certainly caused it in me. However, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that everyone has their own definition of home. And it is up to you to define it for yourself.
For me, home is family dinners at my aunt’s houses. Home is the dance studio I grew up in. Home is weekends at the cabin in Homosassa, Florida. Home is screaming the song Sun Hands at the top of my lungs on long car rides with my two best friends. Home is long deep talks you have with you people you love at 3 in the morning. Home is when my dad makes his special “dippy dippy” breakfast on Christmas morning for my mom and I. Home is when my dog curls up in my lap on the couch. Home is in all of those memories I have of my childhood, camping at Tillis Hills. But most importantly, home is the people you surround yourself with. Your friends, your family and your friends that BECOME family.
I think we’ve been taught to romanticize the meaning of “home”, in the same way the media has taught us to glamourize sadness. When I told my dad that I was going to write a post about the meaning of “home”, he said to me “Danielle, home is where you make it”. And I think he may be on to something. Home is your support system and all of your best memories. It’s your daily routine, your favorite song and your favorite meal.
Home is anywhere and everywhere. You just have to choose to open yourself up to feeling it. I’ve also realized that you have to be in the right place in your life, and in the right mindset to accept this. It happens for everyone at a different time, and there is no right or wrong age to begin to feel it. Finding your “home” is all about accepting the cards you’ve been dealt, making the absolute best of them and being appreciative.
I’m still not entirely sure what my views on marriage or children are, as they change constantly. I spent most of my teenage years convinced that I never wanted to get married or have kids and now at 21, I’ve started to come around to the idea. I haven’t fully committed to it, but I’m getting there. However, I’ve realized that if I do one day decide to start a family of my own, it will be my job to create a home for my future, hypothetical children.
One day it may be up to me to create traditions and memories that will one day remind them of home, the way my family did for me. I hope that I am able to be as supportive to them, as my parents were to me. And I also hope they find friends who are as amazing as the ones I was lucky enough to find.
I know that as the years pass, my definition of home will change. I’d be concerned if it didn’t, as I believe it’s something that is constantly adjusting to your current situation. But for now, I am grateful for where I am and the people who remain constant in my life. I can only hope you’ve also been able to find this kind of comfort and that if you haven’t, I hope you are able to find it soon. Home is always there, it’s just up to you to be able to see it and appreciate it.
XOXO, Dani Kye
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